The Opinion Page

God Dream It!

2011-02-03T21:57:00.002-05:00

I'm not an atheist. For me, the jury's out when it comes to the whole 'God' thing. I've always found that every argument is equally compelling for and against His existence, and I'm not really going to go into either, except one.

A little over a week ago, I had a dream that God proved He existed.

Okay, you're saying. That's fine. But how did he prove it? Well, it was basically the plot of the movie Pi, but more personal because it was inside my head. The short of it is that mathematically, things that can be proven and infinite are God's way of saying 'Hello!' Like how Pi is an infinite expression and it's this one perfect imperfect number that makes a perfect shape, a shape that is undoubtedly replicated naturally everywhere just like other patterns and shapes are replicated infinitely in nature (a blood stream resembles tree branches in the winter that resemble the delta of even our most impressive rivers...).

I've thought about this before, so it wasn't a new concept from me. Kind of like in Animal House when Pinto realizes that an atom resembles the solar system when he's high - it's not exactly a religion, but it does get the mind goin'.

So I had this dream, right? And I woke up thinking that from this point I had two explanations for myself.

1) God exists. And He just sent me a personal message proving this or

2) Random synapses were firing in my brain, triggering my own emotional past and a bunch of shit from movies I've seen a few too many times.

If the former is true, and Heaven and Hell and Noah and the Ark exist, then I'll try to be all like "yeah, I believed after that dream, I just didn't wanna get all 'preachy'" but they'll know the truth, 'cause they're angels and shit. So I'll end up in Hell, listening to Kenny G and eating poop burgers for eternity.

If the latter is true, then who gives a shit! I'll be dead and it won't matter.

So I guess I should believe in God for now, until proven otherwise. I don't know if He's as into Us as We are into Him. In my opinion, if there is a God, He doesn't really care all that much about us either way. I put it like this once to Marissa. God is like the inventor of the pretzel. The guy who invented the pretzel just put a knot in some bread, salted it and called it a day. The pretzels today resemble that prototype, and in a way, many of them are almost exact. But then there are other types that are classified as pretzels that more closely resemble chicken wings or cardboard. Or puke.

What I'm saying is that God may have started this whole 'creation' thing, and that would be a reasonable explanation for how everything got here, but the 'why' may have just been an accident, and He may not have even noticed we're here yet, evolving into the terrible beings we have become.

That might be why come 2012, the Mayans predict the world will end. God would look down and be all "Holy shit, where'd all this come from? Sorry about that, Earth. Fuckin' Devil and his pointy tail and horns. I'll fix this." And then the oceans will swallow the sky and that will be that.

The Greatest Show on Earth

2011-02-03T20:01:00.002-05:00

I'm not one for professional sports. Or, for that matter, sports at all. I plan on having a quiet night at home on Superbowl Sunday and sports might play a part inasmuch as the cats might wrestle or something. That would be nice.

This whole Superbowl thing. I mean, I don't even see the merit in "watching it for the commercials" any more. I'm not the only person who won't be watching The Big Game, of course. There's homeless people, hipsters, foreigners and the mentally-challenged, to name a few. We non-Bowlies also probably don't go head-over-heels for other culturally-defining events like, the State of the Union Address or American Idol, but I digress. I would say the homosexuals aren't into the game, but come on. This is a huge spectacle, Christina Aguilera is singing the Star-Spangled Banner, there's going to be a half-time show with the Black Eyed Peas and to top it off, Football is just about the gayest sport out there (just close your eyes and listen to the announcers for ten minutes and TRY not to think of it with homoerotic undertones).

But really, what AM I trying to say?

I meant to segue from 'I don't like sports' to 'The Harlem Globetrotters put on one hell of a show.' So let's just assume I did just that and move on.

I took the wife to see the famed comedy/basketball team last night and, well... It. Was. AMAZING. I surprised her with tickets after taking her out for sushi and we both loved every minute. Not because it was the best thing we'd ever seen, but in the same way you just have to appreciate the movie 'Blade.' Is it the best movie ever? No. Will you ever forget Wesley Snipes delivering the line "Some mothafuckas always be tryin' to ice-skate uphill" for no apparent reason? Also no.

So let's backtrack for a second. When the wife and I were just boyfriend and girlfriend, we were in line at the Bagel Grove and saw the next month's list of Utica events on a calendar. I asked, "If you had to, which of these would you want to see if you could only pick one?" Almost immediately, she replied 'The Harlem Globetrotters,' and then added that she also was pretty unfamiliar with what she answered. I told her a little about the event and she was very interested. Unfortunately, this was six years ago and for one reason or another, we had never gotten a chance to see the self-proclaimed 'World Famous' basketball team.

So last night, I surprised her. We were both very, very excited when we got to the Utica Memorial Auditorium and even happier when we saw that our seats were fucking PRIMO.

If you have never seen the Globetrotters, put it on your 'life list.' If you don't have a 'life list,' get a piece of paper and a pen, write 'LIFE LIST' on the top and then in the left-hand margin (your left, not the paper's) write the number one. Circle that number. Then to the right of that number just write 'Harlem Globetrotters.' Now underline it. You may repeat that last step for emphasis. Don't worry, when you find this list later, you'll know precisely what it means.

Okay, I don't want to spoil it for you Globetrotter virgins, but let me tell you, these guys can play some fucking basketball! And what showmanship! What I liked most about it as an adult was noticing the subtle actions by the refs, the team managers, and most of all, the Washington Generals. How embarrassing it must be to be a General. Getting booed all night, every night, and never winning a game. Oh well, they should probably just fire their coach. It was his fault we were booing them. The nerve of him accurately describing the condition of our fair city - comparing it to a toilet and saying we should be embarrassed to live here. Yeah it's true, but it's like he wasn't even trying to get on our good side. I'm glad they lost. They played like shit anyway. All the 'Trotters (I'm allowed to use that word because I've seen them) literally dribbled circles around them. I'm surprised how close the game ended up though.

The best part of all was the complete disregard for every basketball rule I had ever learned. And right in the middle of a play, there would be 'bits,' like the "steal-the-purse-from-a-spectator" bit and the "skip-across-the-court-with-a-little-girl" bit that I remember from when I was a kid, but what I appreciated most was a prize. See, during one of the longer breaks from the action, this man came up and if he succeeded in making a lay-up, a free-throw, and a three-pointer, he would win....

A ticket to ANYWHERE in the Continental United States...

on a Greyhound bus.

I don't know about you, but that sounds like a pretty inconvenient prize. I mean, if it were me, I would probably just take it to Albany or something. I don't really want to be on a bus, even a nice bus, for too long. Do people even still take the bus? Not that there's anything wrong with taking the bus, but at least give this guy a headband or something. But he made the shots. Surprisingly enough, the one he had the most trouble with was the lay-up.

Is that how you type 'lay-up'? I mean, that's what I've been writing, but that doesn't necessarily make it so. I didn't look it up, and 'layup' just looks wrong.

So on to the moral of this story. Just go see the World Famous Harlem Globetrotters some day and experience it for yourself. I mean, what else are you going to do on a Wednesday night during a blizzard on Groundhog's Day?

The Music of the Masses

2011-01-25T13:06:00.005-05:00

I just went to lunch at Nola's Cafe in Clinton. It was delicious.

Being married, I haven't had the opportunity to sit alone and have lunch all that much. It's always expected of me to go with the wife, you know, out of common courtesy and all that. I love going out with my wife. We love each other and she's just a pleasant human being to have lunch with. But lately I haven't had the time to dine alone and I forgot how much I enjoy it.

There have been periods of my life which I was utterly alone, and being alone for most of the time makes you not appreciate the times when it's just delightful. When you live alone, go to the movies alone, drive to work alone, have no one to talk to and eat alone, it's not that special. Yes, of course there are friends - I don't mean to say that I wasn't surrounded by friends and family when I wanted, but I didn't notice how swell loneliness can be when I was utterly consumed by it.

What struck me today was, for the first time in a while, I heard people as an orchestra surrounding me, and I haven't heard that in a long time.

Let me explain.

When I first started going out, drinking and, naturally, smoking a bit of weed, I would just sit on a leather couch on the second floor of Space 26 (Utica's most non-'Utica' bar and because of that, Utica's most 'Utica' bar too) and listen to the crowd. Above the dance music the conversations of a room of 50 sounded like a song of its own. The women pitched low and high with whatever story they felt compelled to shout to one another blended with the men loudly requesting another drink from the bartender, all with greetings and introductions of friends to make one seemingly endless verse with no chorus.

It wasn't exactly something you could tap your toes to, but all this nonsense was certainly something that passed the time. And it only worked when I didn't focus in on any words in particular. If I recognized or heard one sentence or conversation above the others, it just didn't sound right. This wasn't a concerto; it was a symphony.

Anyway, this was something I would do when I just wanted to be away from all the stories I'd heard ten times before or avoiding that person from High School who's name I forgot. It was something that was mine that I could half-drunkenly stumble to and smirk about alone on the couch. I explained this to one of my friends once and after she laughed at me, I saw in her eyes that she recognized what I had heard. I think people always assumed I was depressed up there, but in actuality I was happier than I was at most times. It was a discovery of mine, but like most discoveries of the 21st Century, it's probably already been discovered a number of times.

I never forgot about this real-life orchestra, but it moved behind all the other stuff I've concerned myself with throughout the years.

Today, I heard it again while I was enjoying a book at Nola's. At first it was the usual eavesdropping of inane conversations, like "You just wouldn't believe what my Shawn can do now..." and "It's pretty cold out, huh?..." and so on. When I got into my book, the words around me blended together and I heard the unintended music.

Well, I have to get to work.

I would not have published this blog, but perhaps your standards aren't quite as high as mine. And I told myself that this year I would post more often, because I won't improve my writing unless I actually write something that's not an e-mail.

Was there more to this story? Did I leave any loose ends?

It doesn't matter. What matters is I posted, and I feel damn good about it.

And yeah, I admit to smoking weed for a period of time in my life. I can talk about it now though, because I can pass a drug test, and because smoking weed now just gives me the inspiration to clean my apartment to the point where I'm not stoned any more. And that's not very fun so I stopped.

I usually try to wrap up these posts with something that brings in the story full-circle. Guess that's not going to happen. I'm really out of practice.

Just Looking.

2010-02-08T16:57:00.002-05:00

How many applications am I going to send out before someone shows any interest? Of the dozens of resumes and cover letters, I've gotten maybe two or three interviews. And those, I feel, are only polite responses to organizations where I have connections. It's gotten to the point where I am brutally honest in the first paragraph of my cover letters, immediately admitting the fact that I have very little chance of landing this job but am applying on nothing more than a whim. It's like I'm window-shopping on my future. I've applied at banks, libraries, production companies and news organizations. So far, it's still retail.

On top of all that, my video production has hit a roadblock. I bought a new MacBook Pro to edit with and my software is too old to be used on that machine. Now, I have to buy a newer version of Final Cut Pro that will end up costing around $300! Gah!

I suppose that's enough complaining for now, internet. I could go on, but I'll keep it to professional issues for now. But if you only knew what I was going through on top of all this...
all this pain makes me understand Buddhism. But it's not like I'm suffering like the people of Haiti before or after the earthquake. Again, if I put it into a bigger perspective, my problems seem pretty insignificant and self-centered.

I should really blog more. Looking at the amount of posts annually, I'm in a steady decline. Maybe if I typed through all my shit, I'd feel better than I do just stewing in it. Even if nobody reads this, it's the most therapeutic thing I know.

Until next time, this has been one unhappy dude.

Mostly Vegetarian

2010-01-19T21:57:00.002-05:00

I'm an impressionable guy with strong convictions. It may be hard to win me over, but once you do, I can be pretty committed to whatever it is you were arguing for in the first place. More often than not, it isn't conversation or movies that win me over - it's books.

Two of the most important books, at least in my life so far, have been the Communist Manifesto and the Tao Te Ching. Both are hardly long enough to be called books, more like "manifestoes," and are brilliant because of their vagueness. By not getting too specific about anything, they are very relatable to life in every era. Neither are perfect, but both have changed my view of the world and had a deep impact on who I am as a person.

But these aren't the only books that have had an impact on me. From time to time, I come across one that really gets me to thinking; whether it's opening my eyes to the life of a boy in the Sudan (What Is the What) or making me question religious dogma or war (Cat's Cradle), completing a good book makes me (in my own mind at least) a better person.

This time, a book has really had an affect on me enough to change my daily habits, and because of it, I'm mostly vegetarian. I know that by using the qualifier "mostly" I'm leaving some space to slip up, but I don't think it's like being a "mostly" non-smoker or anything. I'm just cutting out all meat that has possibly been produced in a factory farm.

So this book that got me thinking is called "Eating Animals," and is something that I would never have picked up had it not been for the author, whose two previous novels "Everything Is Illuminated" and "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close" are everything I want in a book and then some. Jonathan Safran-Foer, wherever he is, has had more of an impact on my life than my college education (and cheaper, too!). Back to this book, it's basically an investigative piece into the practice of factory farming, which is so bad for everything I can't even bring myself to finish off the bacon in my freezer. Foer also goes into the reasons behind his own diet and argues for and against both sides.

But this isn't a book review. That's just what got me started on my new and exciting lifestyle. No, I'm not even being sarcastic about the "new" and "exciting" parts. Every time I eat, I think about every ingredient and get excited about finding new foods. I even tried to cook the other night! (Of course, it took me about twenty minutes to mince garlic and thankfully, Marissa came to my rescue and worked the food processor for me. Thanks, Marissa.)

I just want to say this right now. I'm not a vegetarian. I'm still a sucker for a good piece of cheese, a hard-boiled egg and even a burger. I just need to make sure all those things come from a local farm where the chickens and cows aren't treated like commodities and the bottom line has nothing to do with saving (and making) money and more on what's healthy. I have never been an animal activist, and this lifestyle doesn't even require me to be one. There are so many reasons to care about where my meat comes from that caring about animals being slaughtered (humanely) is only the tip of the iceberg. Consider the cost of a dozen eggs at Wal-Mart. They're a dollar. And those eggs are already more healthy than those used in fast-food restaurants, which are even healthier than those used in elementary school cafeterias. But even Hannaford eggs are made from chickens who are forced to be pregnant throughout their entire (extremely short and disease-ridden) lives, and who are given no more than the size of your computer monitor's space to live their (painful, antibiotic-filled) lives. The ones that "live," anyway. The unlucky (see also: lucky) ones that don't make it to the cages are simply discarded in an incinerator or buried in mass graves. Ever drive past Tyson Chicken or Purdue? I have. It smells terrible. That's the smell of recently deceased chickens being set on fire mixed with tons (literally) of chicken shit with no long-term plan to take care of it other than to pile it into one place then start a new pile. Of course, Tyson and Purdue don't use their chickens for eggs. These chickens are pumped full of grain and antibiotics to make the chickens grow extremely large and fast, the growth of which is too fast for their tiny bones to catch up and causes what looks like an adult on a two-month-old body. Just think about a three-year-old kid being the size of a teenager. Do you think that kid would require medical attention, especially for all of his broken bones caused from his enormous, Mark McGwire-sized biceps? That's what those antibiotics are for! Just pump a bunch of those into his system and hope for the best. If he dies, well, then he's only in that unlucky (see also: lucky) 25% category that die before they're ready for slaughter. This is how 99(.9)% of the chickens we eat in America are raised, and that's how it saves you money making eggs a dollar a dozen and chicken nuggets on the dollar menu!

Trying to finish the meat in my freezer, Marissa cooked me a cornish game hen, a term which has no meaning when a Purdue wrapper is on the animal before cooking it. I tried to eat it but could not.

Trying to finish the bacon for the same reason, I thought of a pregnant sow, who like the egg-laying chicken is forced to be pregnant her entire life and confined to a cage that she can't even stand up in. Did you know that pigs have been proven to be as smart as dogs? Probably, but you forget about that when bacon is around. Do you think piglets are cute? And I know they're not as big as their brothers and sisters, but don't you think the runts are cute too? I'm not going to tell you what factory "farmers" do to the runts, who are obviously not given the same treatment as another pig who will undoubtedly grow larger than a runt. I don't know what's worse in this situation - ending the life of a suffering animal when it begins or after it has lived out its life (not a natural span, just a few months - enough for the animal to get fat enough) in pain and suffering in a cage with no sunlight.

So you know how on traditional "family" farms, cows and pigs and chickens shit and that in turn grows crops that they eat and so on... Well, on a factory "farm," where there is no grass for the animals to eat, and the animals are all crowded into fields, this shit ends up in big piles. These piles do more for global warming than cars. And yet, we're "trying" to change our habits on cars. Why? Because it costs us less to get more mileage.

But eating meat more consciously will not cost us less, so why should we change our habits? Well, eating meat more consciously will cost you more if you get sick from it. Remember the Avian "Bird" Flu? Guess where that came from? And the swine flu? And e-coli and '24-hour stomach bugs?'

You guessed it. Factory Farms. This is the price we're paying. Not at the store, but in hospitals and in our futures.

But you probably knew this already.

I know I knew most of this already, yet I never let myself think about it because it tasted so good. As a vegetarian band-mate of mine said as I attempted to tease him while cutting into a steak, "There's more to life than taste." I still thought he was crazy at the time, knowing that animals were harmed for the food to be in front of me, but blissfully, purposely ignorant of how it got to the table.

Do I want you to be a vegetarian too? No. Do whatever you want. I just thought I should share all this with you because I wish someone had shared it all with me. And if you find that any of the information I shared with you today isn't factual, please correct me. I didn't look any of the numbers up - I just finished that book and watching "Food, Inc." and it's pretty fresh in my mind.

So yeah, for everyone who questions my newest lifestyle choice, this is why.

Test This.

2009-11-19T19:45:00.003-05:00

Here I am in a strange public library, waiting for the clock to advance another 45 minutes to go pick up the wife.

The way I see it, why shouldn't I go for a blog update? My last one has only resulted in 'hang-in-theres' and 'follow-your-dreams,' and since I usually don't like inspirational poster advice, I'll just do what I do best on here; complain. This time (probably the first of many) it will be about work.

I took an overly politically-correct test on my company's harassment policy and realized that the only thing I can tease someone about anymore is how they suck at video games, but at Best Buy, that person is me because everyone there eats and breathes video games. Lame. At least I can still pick on people for watching shitty movies or listening to country music. I can't even pick on someone for the way they dress, because everyone at Best Buy dresses the same!

Then, I took another test wherein I found a loophole and achieved a very high score. Here's the situation: A "customer" says a paragraph, and you have to identify the key phrases in that paragraph to pass this quiz. I didn't even read most of them; if you just roll your mouse over the paragraph, you'll notice that sometimes, more than one word is highlighted. When that happens, it's always correct, so click on it. Most of the time, all the answers were comprised of more than one word and thus the test was completely useless, much like whatever it was I was supposed to be learning at the time.

When I thought I was smart for realizing this and shared with a co-worker, I found out that he, too, did well on that test for the exact same reason. At least I didn't have to deal with customers for an hour, which brings me to my next section:

The complaint.

Someone, some lame-o customer told what he thought was my superior, that I was rude and sarcastic. Now, I don't know the whole story yet, as my actual superior didn't meet with me to formally discuss the obvious fact that I use sarcasm to relate to customers and that yes, occasionally, people have no sense of humor, but I was still following all the harassment guidelines I learned earlier that very day.

What really gets to me about this whole thing is that I don't even remember this particular customer interaction, which means I feel I was not overly-ANYTHING and this person was not rude to me. But what can they expect? I work in retail and Christmas music has been on for a month.

The thing I really don't understand is why this person sought out someone to tattle on me. Oh, and I think it's worth noting that the person sought out was not my supervisor, just a gentleman with whom I work who is older than me. He actually started a day after me! As the disgruntled customer told his tale to the 'supervisor,' he told him that he was glad to see someone who wasn't 20 years old working in the store. Last I checked, that's age-based discrimination, and I don't have to take it!

Anyway,

The moral of this story is...

I don't know.

I don't really think this is going to change how I interact with people, because unless people's smiles and eye-contact are lying, I'm doing a pretty good job.

But I should probably stop naming my company in my blog, because I'm probably violating some stupid code of conduct on a quiz I have yet to take.

A Series of Digressions

2009-10-16T16:45:00.002-04:00

I'm stuck. Don't get me wrong, my life is very good in many ways. I am happily married and love my time at home, away from it all. But it's not my free time I'm concerned about. It's the stuff I need getting away from that's holding me back.

I have two jobs. They're both good jobs, but they're part-time and vaguely related to what I like to do, but they don't offer me any benefits or the feeling that I'm making a difference. One is in retail, selling mostly digital cameras and MP3 players. Sure, they're both products I'm familiar with, but the most interesting parts of my days there are usually unrelated to the job. When a customer comes in and we shoot the shit about the poor quality of Grade-A beef or when a coworker tells a good joke about his heritage; those are the highlights. I don't usually care about selling an extra $30 in accessories, mostly because I don't see a dime of that even though oftentimes, that's somehow my 'goal.'

At my other job as a librarian, yeah, sure, I like helping people get books. Books are great. It's just that I'm constantly reminded of the problems facing society while I explain the concepts of 'waiting lists' to another person eager to get their hands on the latest by Danielle Steel or Nicholas Sparks. Meanwhile, 'A Prayer for Owen Meany' and 'The Autobiography of Malcolm X' sit on the shelves collecting dust. I guess I have that problem at my other job too, as people seem to need help finding complete seasons of 'Two and a Half Men' or the newest release by Michael Buble, and never want Hitchcock or Tchaikovsky.

I suppose all that makes me an elitist. That's a moniker I can live with. Feel free to lump me in the same category as Barack Hussein Obama. I think I'm just as deserving of a Nobel prize as him anyway, so it all works out.

What I'm trying to say (I think) is that my jobs offer no challenge and they depress me. It depresses me to be reminded that people don't mind whatever version of 'Halloween' they go home with and have no problem spending $150 on an HDMI cable while their children stare at me open-mouthed with Kool-Aid stained smiles and a pile of DVDs that subliminally advertize more than they entertain.

So what do I do about it? Absolutely nothing. I guess I could try and ignore it, the problems specific to the American way of life. These problems that contribute to my misguided anger, depression and feeling of hopelessness. If I lived in an African village, where an extra pair of pants is considered a luxury item, would I be depressed about my neighbor who has chosen to trade for a goat instead of a cow? Probably not, but the chances of me making it to the age of 27 and in good health would not be very good. I don't think I'd make a very good hunter or forager anyway.

And now to the reason I sat down and wrote this blog... the Zombie Walk, going on in Utica tonight. It's an event that I will regretfully miss, but it's something I see every day, when more and more people wander aimlessly into stores seeking goods they cannot fully explain the reason for purchasing, and under the banner of 'helping the economy,' making the distance between the rich and the poor that much greater.

I wanted to film the Zombie Walk and edit a short piece for freelance work, now that I have my own camera and want to get my production company off the ground, but I couldn't because I finally decided to get more work using another of my tools, the tenor saxophone.

I was a music major once, but between flunking out and not being completely in love with music, I chose a different path. Now, it seems, I can't get away from it because it comes easy to me. And it has gotten in the way of what I want to do with my life. You see, I just started with this big band and then agreed to play this Salsa gig on Tuesday. Now, for that, I need to practice with the small ensemble, and we rehearse tonight, during the Zombie Walk.

I was reluctant to join this band, because I'm already spending time with my party/disco band and that gets in the way enough. I no longer find too much joy in music, aside from listening to it, and between two jobs and two bands, my free time has been slaughtered. That was the time I was supposed to spend getting used to using my camera and filming pieces to bulk up my portfolio to get me a job to get me benefits to make me happy. Right now, I use that time to sleep and stare blankly at the wide screen TV that was given to us as a wedding gift, not caring which 'Halloween' I could get my hands on.

It seems I, too, am a victim of brainwashing. The fact that I'm aware doesn't make it any better, it just depresses me more. I don't know what I want to be, but I don't want to be what I am now.

I need to blog more often. This is an okay post, but I need to be more specific. There's too much I want to say right now and as a result, my point is lost somewhere in the confusion. Oh well.

Take care. Be aware.

-Travis.

Best Buy, Worst Test

2009-07-21T10:51:00.003-04:00

I need a job.

I need a job so badly, I'm seriously considering a career in retail. But apparently, Best Buy isn't quite as desperate for employees as I am for a job. This has nothing to do with my qualifications or experience - it has to do with my inability to pass a test.

You see, it's become common for national chains like this one to submit applicants to a long personality survey before they even look at your application. I guess since it's run by a faceless boardroom at an unknown location, a personal touch isn't really necessary if you can weed out perspective employees by asking them ridiculous questions for an extended period of time, and grade them by unknown standards.

Ask anyone who works at Best Buy, they can't tell you the answers to this 25-page survey. Not because they don't know the answers, but because they have NO IDEA how they even passed the thing in the first place. Many of them have taken it a number of times in the hopes of landing a position on the Geek Squad (a position that they probably already held by choosing to sit at a certain table at the cafeteria - they just wanted an embroidered shirt to prove it to those of us who didn't go to High School with them.)

I, myself, have failed this test three times now. I am aware of this not by any e-mail notification, but because I know an employee there. Had it not been for her, I'd still be waiting for my first answer.

The questions aren't right-and-wrong, two-plus-two-equals-five questions; they're the kind that assume a quality about yourself and give you the same four options to choose from every time.

a) Strongly Agree

b) Agree

c) Disagree

d) Strongly Disagree

I'm pretty sure there are only about five questions, worded differently for 25 fucking pages. There are about fifteen alone that can be answered by just asking 'Are you outgoing or shy?'

First, I answered honestly to the questions. Second, I answered in a way that I assumed they wanted me to answer, and third, I did a mix of the two. I am about to embark on a fourth journey into the depths of Bestbuy.com, not because I particularly want this job, but because it pisses me off to no end that I have a college degree and cannot pass a test that high school dropouts would have no problems getting through. This time I'm not reading the questions at all and answering randomly. That's gotta help.

Stocky's Guide to Life. And Maff.

2009-05-25T14:14:00.000-04:00

Being a smaller high school, Waterville only had one upper-level math instructor. Since one of the courses he taught was a required course, pretty much everyone had to take at least one math course from Mr. Stockwell.

Affectionately known as 'Stocky' by his students, he was a great teacher and a strange, strange person. It is a fact that he licked his fingers after using the chalk board, nearly every time. Upon hearing mention of this once in class, he bit the chalk in half and may or may not have mentioned something about protein. My memory's a little foggy on that one, but I definitely remember him biting the chalk. Obsessed with sharks, he would often warn students who received low quiz scores that "the Math Shark" had gotten the best of them.

Little is known of Stocky's actual home and lineage, but students speculated anyway. Because of his alopecia, it was difficult to figure out his age. Looking at old yearbooks, it seemed the man looked exactly the same for decades. Among the rumors circulating about the man, which I highly doubt to be accurate, were that he was part shark, immortal and slept in a fold-out bed in one of the many portable storage closets in his room. In addition to sharks, he also had what appeared to be an unhealthy obsession with Texas Instruments calculators, specifically the model numbers upwards of 80, which had graphing capabilities. (Those calculators also were great for chemistry and physics classes; not for assisting but for storing memory and formulas for cheating.)

Stocky had a slight speech impediment, which had little effect on the class itself, but which explains the spelling of some of the words below. For example, instead of 'Fourth,' he would pronounce it 'Fourf.'

I really mean no offense to Mr. Sharkwell. He was a great teacher, and I learned a lot from him. I'm sure many people can agree with me on that.

Also, he had the BEST Freudian slips. We all called them 'Stockyisms,' and thanks to Jennie Swanberg for compiling a list on her Food King book cover. Her grade may have suffered for devoting so much time for paying more attention to this list then the class, but looking back, I think it was all worth it.

The terms 'fruit salad' and 'chopping' had something to do with math, but it would take Stocky's input to explain the terms any further than that. I was a big fan of the terms at the time, and they make repeated appearances in the list.

That list is now, for the first time, offered below in no particular order.

STOCKYISMS:

Don’t tell me it’s hard – it’s not.

You can’t touch anything further.

Does it make it any harder? Heck no!

I’m a sneaky son of a gun wif that.

They slam each other away.

Shh…darn!

I’m a decimal freak.

Radical 24 is doable. You can do it.

Don’t go changing signs around, that’s ugly.

If it acts like a duck, it is a duck.

I’m a decimal nut.

People get tripped up at the last second.

Some of you are gonna be cardiac sharks.

Don’t work yourself too hard.

Find me and do me.

Gotta do more of those mixed messy things.

Who just made fruit salad?

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. This is the Ugly.

I’m doing it anyway. Take that!

The more you see, the better you be.

Don’t be the limp noodle.

I don’t like chaos.

I’m cutting back on how much I do wif you.

You don’t FOIL the world, the world FOILs you.

I’ve already got 10 in the hole, I need 40 more.

Four has nofing to do wif it, it’s just hangin’ out.

The dog ate your average too.

I’ve hit about every ugly thing I can think of.

The exponent doesn’t change just because it’s smelly.

Ugly as it is, we have to figure it out.

You just have to keep the dog tied up so he won’t go anywhere.

You’re gonna get nailed.

That’s my little trick.

No one is unrecoverable. We can get you all up to snuff.

I’m very clean with my thoughts most of the time.

You can flip it, spin it, hit it…it won’t change size.

There’s no restrictions on what I can stick in there.

I’m just trying to stuff it in here!

Boy, did we kick the living poop out of this one.

Mr. Negative Number Man.

Take one result and stuff it in the next one.

How to draw them, how to play with them.

Cut the noise.

B.C. = Before Calculators.

Put the talking away.

I don’t want the Boonville Woodsman job here.

Doesn’t matter how ugly it gets.

Now all of a sudden I freak somebody out.

Twosies & twosies make foursies.

Oranges and oranges make more oranges, not grapefruits.

If you have to do it the hard way, that’s what you have to do.

File the gap fast.

The term is the basic nuts and bolts of mathematics.

You still have to do it the hard way.

People, you’re making a mountain out of a mo’ hill.

Slam it through here no problem.

I’m gonna do it the hard way now.

There are some swimming fish ninning around.

You can do it by looking at it.

I don’t know what that is, it’s a schizoid thing.

Don’t chop wood.

Don’t make fruit salad.

I like doing ugly things.

I don’t need a comedy act here, put a lid on it.

You have to work inside out, otherwise you say ‘what the heck do I do now?’

I wanna teach you to be lazy properly.

No verbal diarrhea back there.

We’re still doin’ baby guppies yet.

It’s gonna be strenuous today, I can guarantee that.

It’s sharkingly possible.

I got a few tricks to show you that you haven’t seen before.

I don’t want to clear the brackets now because I can still do some housekeeping inside.

He who fools around stays around.

Chew on your words for a while + calm down.

You’re in T.I. territory.

These problems sometimes do themselves, if you let them.

Boonville woodchopping expert.

Like terms, no fruit salad here.

Don’t do this half-chop stuff.

I’m about to be a big time bad boy.

Leave it ugly.

The Chopping Society of America could have a field day wif that one.

If you wanted to go nuts today, you could.

Hey! Don’t do it my way.

You can do FOIL in your sleep.

Cuff ‘em & stuff ‘em.

I’ll cut to the chase here.

There’s FOIL in all its glory.

Upper-level mathematics FOIL is passe.

I works like a charm every time.

Take the first one & FOIL it & you’ll go over the moon wif it.

Hang on a second, I’ll even get worse.

Show and tell here.

Bang! It’s done.

Those kinds of problems drive students crazy.

If you foil first you get yourself in a whole lot of hot water.

Monday is a day where we have to do a LOT of housekeeping.

Chopping is one of the biggest crimes in mathematics.

Don’t look to FOIL first.

I was raised in a society where we didn’t have calculators. I did everything on my feet.

As Usual, I'm Missing Something.

2009-04-28T11:52:00.000-04:00

Yeah, so this Swine Flu thing is getting out of control. How many people have died so far? 100? That's pretty serious. But you know what's just as serious, if not more so?

THE REGULAR FLU.

According to a Public Service Announcement I just played on the radio, 36,000 people will die this year from the REGULAR FLU. Not the that crazy swine variety, but the regular, run-of-the-mill, good old-fashioned 1918 Flu that was the largest pandemic in history and killed tens of millions of people.

Why are we all concerned with this new disease? It's all over the news right now, kind of like SARS or Avian Bird Flu. Or Anthrax in the mail. Remember them? Why aren't we hearing about those any more? I just get this eerie feeling that they're only reporting on this because they're trying to avoid covering something that actually matters.

Here in Central New York, the Swine Flu Scare has even prompted Dean of Students, Ken Kelly, to send a campus-wide e-mail on the issue. In the e-mail, which I hastily deleted and now want to quote it directly and cannot, he basically says not to worry. Oneida County only has had one possible case that has not been confirmed. Kelly goes on to say that the symptoms of the Swine Flu are

-Fever (over 100 degrees Fahrenheit)
-Vomiting
-Loss of Appetite
-Diarrhea

This all sounds oddly familiar. Oh, yeah, those are the symptoms for the REGULAR FLU. Kelly's advice: If you get flu symptoms, go home and rest. Take some antibiotics or something. Don't go near people. It appears the treatment is the same as the REGULAR FLU as well. I wonder if the ratio of people that have lived to people that have died from the Swine Flue is the same as the Regular one. I wouldn't be surprised, as EVERY OTHER ASPECT is the same.

But maybe I'm missing something.

MAN.

Givin' Off the Vibe

2009-04-27T20:10:00.000-04:00

Disclaimer: If you finish reading this and are mildly offended, you can blame Drew and Kelley for requesting an update. This is pretty much the only interesting thing that's happened to me since my last post.

Here's one of the reasons I don't go to bars any more.

So, I'm standing outside of Utica's most expensive hot-spot, Space 25 or something, I forget, and I'm just waiting for Marissa and reading the paper on my iPhone. (Sidenote, this kind of goes against everything I stand for, but the iPhone is fucking SWEET!) And this tall, I guess we'll call him attractive, exTREMEly gay black dude starts talking to me while he smokes a cigarette. His questions are probing, to put it lightly, and all the while he's loooking me up and down.

His opener - "are you in the army?" (because I was wearing an army-fatigue jacket, as per usual).
My response - "um, no. I'm into garage sales. This was a dollar."

I know what he's thinking. I don't know why I give off a gay vibe, but it happens sometimes, I guess. Does it show that I recently had a dream about Vice-President Tom Cruise asking me to shave my ass when I was pantsless at an important meeting, possibly a debriefing of some kind? I guess it does now. Maybe you, dear reader, can tell me what exactly it is about me that both repels women and attracts men.

Anyway, here's something NOT to say to a person you're not interested in, regardless of their sex.

Me - "So....what's your name?"
Him - "Kirkland."
Me - "Oh, I live in Kirkland."

I didn't think about it at the time, but I definitely should have gone with Clinton. Or Paris. Or ANYWHERE. When is it too early to tell someone you're not attracted to them? I didn't want to be rude to the guy, so I just let the uncomfortable conversation finish of its own accord.

He finally realized I was the way I was when he asked if I was here with anyone, and I excitedly proclaimed, "YES. YES, I'M HERE WITH MY FIANCEE!" He promptly said it was nice meeting me and bade me farewell.

I have nothing against those of us who happen to be gay. I think that's great, and I think Iowa and Vermont and Sweden and that other place that is doing great things human rights for homosexuals is great. I'm just not gay myself.

Would it help if I was bald again? And I don't mean my ass, Vice-President Cruise.

The Curious Case of the Shit on the Side of the Box

2009-03-03T19:24:00.000-05:00

I don't know how it happened, but I'll try to describe it as best I can.

All night we smelled it. Marissa already cleaned up what we thought to be the source of the stench, but very rarely does cat shit linger like it did this fateful night. But really, it was a few hours before we saw what has since boggled my mind.

Earlier that day, I had purchased sixty books for a dollar, but that's not what this blog is about. They came in these cardboard boxes and were taking up prime real estate in our living room. The kitties usually enjoy a good cardboard box - full or empty - and these were no exception.

Mayfield and Prudence spent a good part of the night playing 'King of the Boxes,' a game which I doubt needs a description as many cat games go. At some point, one of them smeared shit horizontally on the corner of the box, about a foot and a half above the floor.

Just try to picture that. Now, cat asses are usually about six inches off the ground, and if they happened to smear shit on the side of a box, you would naturally assume it would be at their usual height or from some form of jumping, which would create a vertical line as opposed to a horizontal one.

So just how did this happen?

Here's my theory:

One of the cats, let's say Mayfield, because he's usually the culprit of catshit-related mishaps, was hanging off the box in an attempt to take over the summit from Prudence. As he was hanging, he somehow managed a sideways maneuver which in turn left a smear of crap across one side of the box and continued onto the other.

But that just doesn't make sense. Any thoughts?

This is just one more reason my cats fucking rule.

Computer BaSUCKS

2009-01-29T20:01:00.000-05:00

This class sucks. I would have tried to test out of it, but I didn't want to waste ten dollars. Now I'm stuck here learning how to copy-and-paste files in Microsoft XP (which stands for the eXPerience - the only information in this class that was new to me so far).

First - I'm primarily a Mac user.
Second - XP is no longer the newest Microsoft operating system.

Why is this class being taught?

Why is this class required for me to graduate? Can't they just assume that through my college career I will eventually learn the basics of the programs covered in the class (the Microsoft Office bundle)? The two students in front of me are checking facebook and e-mail, and I'm obviously typing something...

And he wants me to spend $140 on books. Ha! I'll try and figure out everything on the fly on the final.

I guess I should have paid ten dollars.

I kind of hope I fail.

Worst case scenario - I get a few hours of internet use every Thursday night.

Yours,
Travis

Utica's Roots

2009-01-19T12:09:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, things just seem right - almost as if they were meant to be. Asking why will not bring me closer to any reason, be it divine or otherwise, but rather than pondering the deeper meaning of coincidences, I'll just try and sum up what gave me the chills today.

So I'm sitting in the radio station at Utica College for my weekly show and being comfortable with the music set for the remainder of the show, I decided to relax and to finish Alex Haley's book, 'Roots,' which I found quite difficult to put down. On page 713, I read something that required a second look...

"I was asked to speak at a seminar at Utica College..." Haley wrote. He was attempting to research where exactly his great-great-great-great-grandfather came from and found some success in Upstate New York, very close to where I am now sitting. He also visited nearby Hamilton College, where he had a little more success.

Being Martin Luther King, Jr.'s 'Birthday,' I knew I had to say something over the airwaves before playing my next song by Queen, when I realized that the name of that band is the title to another of Haley's books. I meantioned these coincidences over the airwaves and not too long thereafter a caller informed me that not only did Haley give a seminar, but also the commencement address at UC around 1979, when the 'Roots' miniseries was being released.

I can't wait to look up his speech in our archives and read more about it in the local newspapers and in the school newspaper, 'The Tangerine.'

I have had a similar experience like this, which you can read about in this very blog. Look for the blog titled, 'Nutrocker' from 10 March, 2008 to see what I mean.

The Neverending Story Alternate Ending

2009-01-12T10:03:00.000-05:00

Bastian enters the book shop and the bell above the door announces his presence. The old shopkeeper enters through another door in the back to the sound of a flush and is drying his hands on his shirt.
"How did you like that book you stole from me?" the shopkeeper asks.
"Did you know?" Bastian responds.
"Did I know what, that you would steal my personal belongings? Did you enjoy your trip?"
Bastian knew that they were on the same wavelength at this point. He removes the book out from its secret hiding place beneath his sweater and offers it to the old man.
"Just as I suspected," the shopkeeper says, inspecting the pages of the book. "The entire tablet is gone."
Bastian looks confused, and looks again at the cover of the oversized book, the title of which now reads, "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret." This story, it seems, is getting stranger by the minute. Perhaps the book takes on a different form in daylight, Bastian thinks to himself. Then Bastian thought about the last thing the old man said about a tablet. Before he could come up with a question in response, the old man chimes in.
"Yeah," the old man says. "To make sure punks like you don't just take books from me, I like to teach them a lesson they won't soon forget. I pretend that there's this all-important book that 'isn't for everyone' and just affix small amounts of acid to the top right corner of a few early pages. This way, if you lick your finger before turning every page, like all little bastards do, you're tripping balls by page ten."
Bastian furrows his brow in confusion. After a few moments, he considered what the old man had just told him and innocently asks, "Acid?"
"Ask your father," the old man quickly replies.
Bastian nods his head and exits the shop with another jingling of the bell above the door. Waiting for him outside are the three bullies he was hiding from earlier in the film.
"Aren't you supposed to be in a dumpster?" the head bully asks, and without any further question from Bastian, he walks to the dumpster, opens the lid, and gets inside.

The End.

True Story.

2009-01-05T11:01:00.000-05:00

So, this one time I'm on this airplane and the flight attendent offers a little more than just drinks and pretzels. For some reason, perhaps due to an advertising campaign, the lady has some shampoo on her cart. Herbal Essences, to be exact.

So anyway, this chick next to me, who looks like she needs a makeover a la 'She's All That,' which was one of my favorite movies at the time, skips the drinks and goes straight for the shampoo. This chick must have known something I didn't, as she had a mischevious smile on her face as she headed towards the bathroom.

Man oh man you wouldn't believe what happened next. We're all sitting in the cabin, minding our own business, when this 'Sarah Plain and Tall' starts moaning in ecstasy in the airplane bathroom, as if we're all like a mile away or something. All us other passengers were glancing at each other, thinking 'WTF,' or something. I especially remember this old chick with a smirk on her face like she knew what was up, but I may have misread her look.

So after a few seconds that felt like, well, seconds, the orgasming chick from the bathroom emerged and she was totally smoking hot. I don't know what went on in there, but her hair was dry, so forgive me for sounding like a pervert, but I don't think she used that shampoo on her hair. But her hair looked totally different! I went to the bathroom later to investigate and saw nothing out of the ordinary.

This happened a few years ago, and I've been trying to figure out what went on since then. If you have any theories on this mystery, please comment.

Did I do the right thing?

2008-12-18T09:20:00.000-05:00

So, I get this call from Marissa on Tuesday that her long-lost aunt is in town. "Great," I say to her, continuing, "What does this have to do with me?"

Well, she and her boyfriend needed a place to stay. The two of them had been in town for a few days and stayed at Marissa's other aunt's house, and according to that aunt, the whole family was sick with the flu. "Terrible," I say, and then something like, "So when can I expect them?" There is one catch - they were homeless.

At the time, I thought something naive, like "'tis the season," or "it'll make for some interesting conversation..." you know, stuff like that. Boy was I wrong - and right, respectively.

Marissa brought them over while I was working at the library. Now, Marissa doesn't call me that often at work, and during this three-hour shift, she phoned me like four times. Once, she just wanted to talk and asked me what time I was coming home. Already I knew this was not the hippie-fest I had imagined. The other phone calls from Marissa were requests for Celtic music (apparently they HE didn't like the Talking Heads, pfft.) and another request for some Blackberry Brandy from the liquor store.

(At work, I had joked around with Jill (coworker) about what I could possibly talk to them about. Questions to avoid included 'how did the two of you meet?' and 'So, you're homeless...what's that like?' We also joked how at least they wouldn't have too much baggage - unless they brought a shopping cart full of their belongings. Basically, I was making little jokes, and at that point I felt bad...)

I could get the music, but fortunately enough, the liquor store was closed. As I walked into my kitchen to greet our guests, Marissa comes in and mouths "Oh My God." I still thought to myself, "how bad could it be?"

Bad.

Very, very bad.

Keanu Reeves in Shakespeare bad.

Bad with a capitol B.

Walking into my living room, I smelled them before I saw them. I'd like to consider myself a pretty open-minded guy, but this was ridiculous. Aside from the smell, it was obvious that they hadn't seen a laundromat in a long, long time. Talk about layers - at least they looked comfortable. She had on two winter hats - that she didn't remove the entire time I saw her. All I could see of her was her hands and face. I made some small-talk with them about traveling, and could tell that this small-talk was getting nowhere.

An example of the small-talk I had with him (whom I will call 'Billy,' although I'm pretty sure the name he gave us was fake anyway) went something like this.

Travis: So, you guys have traveled a lot, what's your favorite place you've ever been to?

Billy: Nowhere.

Travis: - - - Oh. Kay.

Yeah. That's about as deep as it got. Any questions directed towards her (whom I will refer to as "Sally") were immediately answered by Billy in a way that stopped the conversation completely. He had quite a knack for that.

So they mentioned they were looking for a used van for very cheap. As I could already not stand these two, actually just Billy, I immediately began underlining and circling phone numbers in the Yellow Pages and brainstormed a few people I thought might be able to help. Since it was getting late, a fact I knew as I looked at the clock like every two minutes since I'd been home from work, we all decided that tomorrow they would make a few phone calls.

I wasn't tired, but I sure was getting sick of trying to find something to do with these two. Board games? no. Cards? no. Listen to anything besides Celtic music? no. For homeless people, they sure were picky. And rude. So, we decided that we would head off to bed - at around 9:30. Before I settled in for the night, I made a point to tell them all about the shower and get some clean towels for them to use, which proved completely unnecessary as they did nothing but play Super Nintendo (in Billy's case) or watch Super Nintendo (in Sally's) all night. The towels were still in the same pile the next day, untouched. I don't think they even washed their hands after using the bathroom, and I would argue also that they did not brush their teeth, although I cannot prove this.

Oh, and about the Super Nintendo situation, Billy asked in his usual fashion, "how come you don't have any good gaming systems?" and as we discussed games, he remarked that there seemed to be a lot of "stupid ones" in my library of very few. I asked if he ever played a particular game, one I said was one of my favorites as a kid, and he said that one was also "stupid."

You know, for so many stupid games, he sure kept himself busy all night playing them...

So I get to bed and Marissa decides to tell me what I missed while I was at work. First, she tells me that they came from a cultish, faith-healing community in northern California, and that Billy "read into Marissa's soul," and told her that I was not her true soul mate. I laughed at this, and then she told me the rest. He said to her that her soul needed healing, and that he would conduct the ceremony for her, where he would rebuild her tissue or some shit like that by HAVING HER LIE NAKED IN FRONT OF HIM WHILE HE BURNED SAGE. Because he learned from a faith-healing Native American, we were supposed to believe he was the real deal.

Wait a second. Put the two of those things together, and this kid, who is dating her middle-aged aunt and playing 'Donkey Kong Country' in the other room, was definitely coming on to her. It was then that I decided that they needed to go, and I spent the next day trying to figure out how.

After struggling to fall asleep to the sound of the synthesized SNES soundtrack, we awoke around 11 a.m. and I immediately got the Yellow Pages and handed them to our guests. Billy, who apparently knows everything, unsurprisingly handled the situation in an odd fashion. He would glance at something I circled and said "I sold used cars for a while and I can tell that this one is too expensive."

??

First off, how long is a while, and how did he get hired in the first place, and why not just try and call a few of those? He decided that course of action was not the best way to find a used van. Sally, perhaps sensing (as she claimed to be psychic) my growing anger, decided to call a few places. This did not pan out, as after a few, they decided not to look anymore. Craigslist was also recommended by a friend to find a van, and Billy claimed to have already tried that route and that nothing cost less than $1,000. Well, Marissa and I had to be somewhere at Noon, so I said they could continue to look at Marissa's mom's (Sally's sister's) house. Sally seemed to be all for this idea, while Billy said he was too tired and just wanted to hang out in our apartment all day.

I had had enough at this point. I said to him, after considering many different things to say and decided that this was the most polite, "you're not going to find a van sitting on your ass here without a phone or the internet." So, much to Billy's chagrin, they piled into the back of Marissa's Caliber and we dropped them at her mom's house.

Now, we had a few errands to run and had decided that the best course of action to take was to gather up all their filthy, smelly crap and transfer it from our car to Marissa's mom's car. The only snag in this plan was that at her mom's house were the two vagrants and our clean laundry, which was waiting for us by the door. Marissa claimed to need the laundry, and I said we'd get it later. Well, as we pulled up and frantically transferred all their worldly posessions into the other vehicle, Sally and Billy came outside to say hello. Billy was holding our laundry in his hands and looked like a puppy from the Humane Society - you know, the puppies that make you feel so bad that you never want to go back. He gave the laundry to Marissa and I didn't talk to either one, put the laundry in the car, and immediately drove to the liquor store. I needed some scotch. Bad.

So that was that.

We then went to Marissa's other aunt's house, the one who dropped these two tramps onto us a day prior. She gave Marissa $100 for the job and so we returned it, saying it was not worth the money. After a brief conversation, we realized that the flu was merely an excuse to get the two freeloaders out of their house - it's too bad they didn't tell us that when they talked us into taking them for "a few days." But I won't hold that against them. They somehow put up with Sally and Billy's ways for 5 days, while Marissa and I couldn't handle it for even a few hours.

So, as the title of this blog suggests, did I do the right thing? Should I have told him off, or at least tried to put into words why we could not deal with them for any more time?

I tell you one thing, I don't feel the least bit sorry for them anymore, or bad for what I did. I don't know where they are now, and I could care less.

So I learned a valuable lesson this week:
Do not, under any circumstances, let homeless people sleep in your apartment.

The Guy Who Plays Mr. Belvedere Fan Club

2008-12-08T14:28:00.000-05:00

So strange.

Here's a link to what I consider the greatest SNL skit ever, and the source of my sister's nickname, Broktoon.

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/91/91sbelvedere.phtml

I was reminded of this today when my sister's friend Robyn, who has an excellent blog called "Robyn's Craft Room" (link to that below), changed her Facebook status to say "Robyn has officially changed her name to Mr. Belvedere." I don't know if she knew where the nickname Broktoon came from, but it doesn't matter. What does matter is that I found the link above. Too bad it doesn't contain the video, but you get the gist of it.

http://robynscraftroom.blogspot.com

OK, so apparently I don't know how to properly include a link in this blog, so you're going to have to cut-and-paste these. Sorry for the convenience.

That's all for now. I'm in the midst of finals and should be researching for a Chemistry assignment so until next time, this has been yet another entry in...
SAMPLE BLOG.

Open Letter From the 0.01% Bowser Germ

2008-11-24T10:59:00.000-05:00

I am the hundredth of a percent of all the germs that stay on your hands after washing with soap and hot water. Don't believe me? Just look at your soap - I exist.

Don't bother to try and wash me off, I'll stick to you for the rest of your life. Not even doctors can get me off of them! Try it, I dare you. I am the Bowser of your hand, only this time, Mario has no chance of saving his precious Peach as you kill both of them every time you clean. Ha ha ha ha ha!

So please, employees, continue to wash your hands! I will get on all your customers' food and enter their digestive systems, potentially becoming an infectious disease or irritating their bowels.

I am inside you right now, and I love it.

Sincerely,
The Bowser Germ

Main Street, Detroit

2008-11-17T17:49:00.000-05:00

I'd like to say I'm surprised, but sadly I cannot.

The first thing President-elect Barack Obama sought to accomplish, aside from picking his cabinet members, has been to try and get more money to the mentally-challenged automotive giants from Detroit. Now, I don't really have all the specifics here, other than a front-page article in the New York Times that said Obama was trying to get Bush to bailout Detroit. So I feel I must ask the question, "Why?"

I don't know. My first guess would be to help the companies from filing for Chapter 11, but how can that help out Main Street? Is it because of the number of people that are employed by the auto companies? Why is this the government's problem?

He never mentioned any of this in the election. Then again, he didn't not mention it, so I guess that's something. Maybe it's just me here, but won't giving money to a company that still makes cars that get less miles per gallon than the Model T just delay their inevitable demise? Instead of rewarding these companies for their backwards policies, how about rewarding them for coming up with a mass-produced car that meets our environmental and economic needs? Mr. Obama, I don't see how giving them tens of billions of dollars will do anything to make us independent of foreign oil in ten years, which if I remember correctly, was one of your redundancies from the campaign trail.

Without Obama's explanation as to why he wants to bail out Detroit, I am forced to come up with my own solutions - that they paid for some of Obama's record-breaking $650 million campaign, and now that he won, it's his turn to help them out. Or maybe the oil companies really do run this country. Either way, this move makes me lose even more faith in American democracy...but I'm glad I voted for Nader for the third time.

I guess we're all just supposed to be dancing in the street now that gas is a dollar cheaper than it was a month ago.

Somebody please enlighten me on this - am I completely off the mark here or is something seriously wrong?

2008-10-07T10:34:00.000-04:00

Don't Get Any Big Ideas...

2008-08-08T11:50:00.000-04:00

I just took a very exciting trip to Montreal to see my favorite band, Radiohead, the other day, and aside from being fucking amazing, there are other noteworthy aspects of the trip and concert that I feel need to be documented before they're lost from my mind sometime next week.

-On the way to the show, Marissa and I stopped in Old Forge and stayed the night on Fourth Lake with my parents. We had a wonderful evening full of kayaking and tubing and drinking many, many drinks with my parents and my sister's friends Maurice, David, Phil and Kelly that were also vacationing nearby. That night, by the campfire, my parents learned what a 'blumpkin' was.

-Since we got to Montreal about five hours early, we had nothing to do but sit on ass and wait for them to open the doors. Should have checked the tickets a little closer, but on the plus side, we did get a stellar parking spot. Anyway, we heard the band's soundcheck. They played on and off for about a half hour. It was a good warm-up for Radiohead and the fans.

-Waiting for the opening act to start, there was little to do standing in the crowd but mingle with those next to us (Jon and Sylvia, who turned out to be pretty awesome) and smell the weed of those around us.

-When the rain let up a little during Grizzly Bear's set, a rainbow emerged from behind some clouds. This is significant because the name of the most recent Radiohead album is 'In Rainbows.' News of this passed through the crowd like a wave, causing much hubub. I noted that just about everyone in the audience is having the same conversation (some in French) regarding the rainbow. "Dude! It's a fucking rainbow! You know, like that album and shit, man. Right? I'm pumped!" and so on. I also noted that of the 80,000 people present, some were even pointing out what I just said. That's a lot of people.

-During 'The National Anthem,' fireworks from something nearby began going off. It was an impressive display and seeing as how I had yet to see any this summer, it was nice to have them with the band. They were very distracting though, and threw off Thom during one of the songs. The fireworks went on for about 40 minutes and I have to say, they were cool and all, but I like Radiohead more. After like ten minutes all the fans pretty much lost interest.

-I should also note that the light display was as impressive as the band itself. I can't even describe to you the amazing shit we saw. It was unreal.

-For those actual fans of the band, here's the set list:
15 Step
There There
Morning Bell
All I Need
My Iron Lung
Nude
Wierd Fishes/Arpeggi
The Gloaming
The National Anthem
Fake Plastic Trees
Reckoner
Like Spinning Plates
Jigsaw Falling Into Place
Lucky
Optimistic
Idioteque
Bodysnatchers

Encore 1:
Faust Arp
Videotape
Paranoid Android
Bangers and Mash
Karma Police

Encore 2:
House of Cards
You and Whose Army?
Everything In Its Right Place

-After the show, everybody walked through the mud like overcrowded cattle in stockyards and we reached our car fairly quickly (remember, I did have stellar parking). We got to the car, cracked open a few beers and urinated. I noticed some people eating burgers and commented, "Those look delicious." A French accent replied "you want one?" I said, "What is it?" He said it was "A beef burger." I offered him a beer for it, but he said not to worry and he had plenty. I returned victorious to our car and even though Marissa claimed to be craving Wendy's, she wanted nothing to do with the cold mystery burger. I ate it in very few bites, and though it was luke-warm and had obviously been sitting for a while with cheese and mayonnaise...it was the most delicious thing I have ever eaten. We then settled into our makeshift bed in the backseat and slept for four hours then drove straight home.

The end.

Blogs for Dummies

2008-07-22T17:28:00.000-04:00

Not everything is for dummies, but that's not what the titles of many books would argue. One would naturally assume that Calculus, Physics and English grammar are not subjects directed towards 'dummies,' but believe it or not, each has its own respective book in the 'Dummies' series. Similarly, many books cater to complete idiots. How do you know which book is for you? Is there something that makes complete idiots different from your run-of-the-mill dummy?

I understand the need for many of these books; surely a dummy would need help with Windows 98 or do-it-yourself plumbing, but some of these titles I just don't think is a good idea to publish. For example, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Pleasing Your Woman seems like it has good intentions for even complete idiots deserve to please their women. But complete idiots tend to have TV, and on it are many real or fake relationships that give similar advice.

Pregnancy for Dummies is obviously a bad idea, while Homeschooling for Dummies is completely unnecessary. If someone buys the latter book, their school district should be notified and the authorities may have to intervene. The Complete Idiot's Guide to Campus Safety does not make me feel safe on campus. On the other hand, when I get a parking ticket, I'll just rip it up because the complete idiot who wrote it probably forgot about it in the first place.

There are some dummy titles that seem a bit more appropriate, namely Catholicism for Dummies and The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Bible to name a few.

There's so much more to say about these books...why don't you respond with your favorite ironic dummy title?

not much to say.

2008-07-08T21:57:00.000-04:00

I don't want to brag about my talents, but I have this one that I feel it is necessary to share. I have this knack for pissing people off. They can be people I care about or people I just met. It's like I'm trying to do this, but really it just happens to be my nature. What's worse is that I fail to realize what I'm doing until after the fact. I would offer some anecdotal evidence to back up this claim, but I don't want to single anyone out or embarrass anyone other than myself on this blog, at least today.

Inadvertantly pissing people off may be due to the fact that I'm a pretty uptight kind of guy. I know it may seem to the casual observer that I'm relaxed, but in actuality I am usually wound up in some way. (My friends may not be reading this in disbelief, as they have usually been the subjects of my outbursts.)

Anyway, I guess I'm just trying to say 'sorry' to anybody I end up pissing off; friends, relatives, loved ones, random passers-by...

I'll try to work on that. I'll be a little less sensitive if you can be a little more understanding that I'm a bit of a jerk. That's all for now.

Thanks for reading.

S'omething.

2008-07-08T17:36:00.000-04:00

As usual, it has been a while since my last update. For those of you that read multiple entries every year or so, you may not notice that, but for those that check regularly, I apologize for the lack of updates. I mean, I haven't heard a lot of complaints about the lack of new material on here, so it must be going well. Right?

So "what's new?" you might ask. Well, not much to be honest with you. Since I've been back from Europe, I've been finding home much the same as I left it. Aside from gas going up almost a full dollar since I left, things are pretty much the same. Work, eat, drink, sleep...you know the routine.

I'm still drinking more than I would like, but yesterday, I began excercizing. Excercising. I do it so infrequently that I don't even remember how to spell the damn word. And I'm a fucking Journalism major. I'm leaving the misspelled versions above to prove how little I partake in the activity. Anyway, working out has been working out pretty well thus far. I can't really give you too many long-term effects yet as I just started last night, but things seem to be on the up-and-up.

Going back to the whole 'Drinking more than I would like' aspect of my life - it's really become my favorite past-time. It's been like 36 hours since my last beer, which lately IS something to brag about. There's a t-shirt or a bumper sticker that sums up my attitude towards consuming alcoholic beverages that says something to the effect of:

"I'm not an alcoholic. Alcoholics go to meetings."

Really that's about all there is to it. But seriously, I'm cutting back. It's been a while, at least, since I've purchased a beer. So that's something.

My birthday is this week. I know you may be thinking that I'll drink a lot on that day, but I have a stupid gig to go to and beer is too expensive at the stupid fucking bar we play at, so it looks like that will be a sober-fest for me as well. Who knows, maybe I'll run three miles that day too. Or maybe I'll just bring a flask with me.

So "why are you telling me all this?" you might be asking. Well, to answer your question, I've found some similarities between drinking beer (see also: wine, whiskey, scotch, etc.) and exercising. First, sleep comes quick to those that are tired, be it from a bottle or from sweating for an hour. Instead of being hung-over when I wake up, I'm just sore from using muscles that I previously reserved for emergency purposes only. Also, both activities leave you wanting to drink more. It's just that drinking a beer after a run is kind of a tough thing to do.

I realize I'll probably be through with this whole 'working out' thing in a week or so, so I'm glad I addressed the topic in my blog before I lost it completely. Maybe it'll help me stick to it. Who knows.

Happy birthday, me.

C+ Action

2008-05-29T18:35:00.000-04:00

Not all of Barcelona was late-night partying and amazing taxi rides. For two straight days, it was pouring rain leading Marissa and me to find amusement in the comfort of my friend's house. While I was looking forward to high temperatures and sunshine, Barcelona was in quite a drought by the time we arrived. The rain was welcome by the residents, so we had to accept it and just try to be positive. Anyway, we had TV in the apartment, so we decided to see what Spanish TV was all about.

We didn't get very far with the Spanish, but there were some interesting English movie networks called 'Canal +' (Spanish for 'Channel'), and in the top left corner of the screen it was abbreviated to 'C+.' This is only noteworthy because the quality of the movies playing on these channels (C+ Comedy, C+ Action, etc.), if they were to be given a grade, it would roughly be a C+. Here's some examples of the movies we watched over our two rainy, hungover days:

Hollow Man II; Bram Stoker's Dracula; Jeepers Creepers; Predator; Bad Girls; Poseidon; Big Trouble in Little China...

This list is incomplete and I plan to finish at a later date.

There was one movie that was not bad even though it had Will Smith, the King of C-plusity in it called The Pursuit of Happyness. That one was pretty good. We could have spent our time watching 'good' movies, as Greg had many on his shelf, but we all decided that all movies should be chosen for us by the good people at Canal +.

So now, when discussing a movie with Marissa, I can talk her into watching it by mentioning the phrase 'C+,' and she sees this (as I do) as a good thing.

That Time I Told a Cop My Name Was 'Travis Giovanni'

2008-05-27T18:05:00.000-04:00

So, there's this strange law in Barcelona that lets you purchase a can of beer in the middle of the street from a guy that may or may not have a liquor license at any time of day, but you can't drink it in public.

Maybe it's for on-the-go people coming home from work who don't have the time to run into the convenience store. This might also cater to those impulsive buyers who create the demand for nail-clippers in the checkout area of grocery stores. While those demographics may represent a number of those purchasing beer from a street-corner, it's obvious that this marketing technique is for drunks and/or tourists. Being a tourist who happened to be drunk at the time, I bought four roadside beers.

Obviously, the next action we took was to open the cans, cheers and drink. About half-way through the third step, a police officer approached us and spoke to Greg in Spanish. Greg replied and gestured 'one more sip' with his index finger, but the cop did not oblige. Greg slowly moved the can to his lips and in one movement the cop snatched the can from Greg's hand and threw it into the garbage nearby, spilling the beer in the process. Marissa, who had yet to take a sip, followed this string of events by throwing her fresh cerveza into the trash as well. I, on the other hand, watched all of this as it happened and calmly took another sip. Seeing this, the cop approached me and like Greg, I asked him for one more sip, and again the cop did not oblige. He removed my beer from my hand in a similar fashion as he had done so for the previous belligerent American, then he reached for his notebook.

He spoke again to Greg, who was obviously our ringleader, and wanted to know all kinds of information like his name and where he was from. Greg, who began the conversation with the cop speaking near-perfect Spanish, now reverted to 'touristy' Spanish in an attempt for the cop to go easy on us. Greg told him his name was 'Jeffrey' something, and that he was staying in some non-existent hostel on the other side of the city. The policeman wrote this information down and turned to me. He asked me, in English, what my name was. At the same time, Greg and I responded to his question. I said 'Travis,' and Greg said 'Giovanni.' I repeated, 'Travis Giovanni,' as if saying the two names in succession would make it legitimate. We were then asked for identification. Unfortunately, we could not locate any ID on our persons, and he let us off with a warning.

It's a good thing he didn't notice the extra can of beer in Greg's pocket, because after that confrontation, we all needed a beer.

Xavier: The Magic Taxi Driver

2008-05-20T18:57:00.000-04:00

There is just too much to write about my last night in Europe to include it all in one blog, so here's a little something about the greatest cab driver known to man, Xavier.

It was a dark and dreary night and Marissa, Greg and I had just finished our meal and were ready to paint Barcelona red. After a quick stop for some espresso at Greg's place, we hailed what would later come to be known as the best cab ride ever.

Greg took the jump seat and Marissa and I crawled into the back. Xavier must have picked up on the perfect vibes and promptly switched the radio from Spanish programming to USA For Africa's 1985 smash hit, "We Are the World." Already I began to realize that this would be a memorable ride.

During the song I thought I noticed a few occurrences outside my window, but simply brushed them aside. For one, the city seemed to be whizzing by at an alarming rate, and the speedometer confirmed my suspicions that we were going fast - about 100 km/hr. I looked through the windshield and saw a red light try and stop us to no avail, and then another. I know taxis are known for driving quickly and erratically, but this was a little more than I expected.

While Xavier was driving fast and disobeying traffic laws, I thought that must just be what Barcelona drivers do. (Later when I was discussing our ride with Greg did I realize that this was not common and that Xavier could have faced large fines and even jail time for driving in such a way.) This is when the ride got interesting.

During this real-life 'Crazy Taxi' experience, Xavier turns back to Marissa and me and asks if we are in the mood for some 'Taxi Magic.' As if we weren't impressed with his ability to weave through traffic while maintaining a speed of 100 km/hr, Xavier felt that we needed to be given the special treatment. Before we could respond, he made a 5 Euro bill disappear and reappear a number of times, then moved on to his next trick where he made it look like one of his fingers was a laser pointer. I know these sound a little lame, but trust me - when you're seeing them done from a foot away and can't figure out how he did it with the greatest of ease while driving like a maniac through a city...only one thing is certain: this was a magic taxi.

Before I could wrap my mind around what was going on, Xavier stopped the cab and we were at our destination. He handed Greg a card and we asked for another. On it was his number and a rabbit popping out of a hat. He said to us, "I speak English too," and was on his way. Cab drivers in NYC don't even speak English.

I'm considering calling him from Utica. If he shows up, I will become his apprentice.

Trav is sterdam.

2008-04-29T08:41:00.000-04:00

Apparently, a month and a half has passed since my last posting. I blame that on schoolwork and travel, and the fact that I really don't give a damn. Hey, it's my blog; I can update when I want so get off my back already.

So, how've you been? I've just finished my finals here at American College Dublin and so far I have a 66 in one class (in the Irish grading ruberic that equals a B - no joke) and am waiting for results from the others. But that shit's boring. Let's talk about something fun.

I just got back from Amsterdam. That was fun, aside from that part where I almost lost the surprise spoon. Some notable aspects of that trip include: the time I 'tilted' the pinball machine; poor-man's dinners in the parks with Marissa (a.k.a. picnics); the family of ducks; only showering once in four days and leaving most of my clothes behind; the Rembrandt house; the VanGogh Museum; the Anne Frank house; and the city itself.

I have to say, there is something to this idea of admitting that the human race has problems and making laws around their vices. Legalizing soft drugs and prostitution (while both of those are vastly different from each other in my opinion) and then taxing them instead of jailing offenders really makes for a beautiful city. I mean, it cuts down on organized crime and minimizes the danger of partaking in those activities. In drugs, you know exactly what you're taking - there's no need to worry about someone adding some unknown substance to your weed to, say, increase the weight of the bag because in Amsterdam, it is cheap, potent and plentiful. As far as prostitution is concerned, they are required to pass rigorous health exams and have support centers for the women just in case they want a change in vocation.

That being said, the Red Light District, which is a very small section of town, still made me tremendously uncomfortable. I avoided it at all costs, but unfortunately it was located in the heart of the city. It's quite surprising to walk down the street and see mostly-nude women in window after window for a few blocks.

I must also address the transportation in Amsterdam as it was the other most notable aspect about the city. There are more bikes on the streets than any other form of transportation, and they're the kind of bike with no gears and you have to stop by pushing the pedals in reverse. All of these bikes come equipped with a bell and most have a makeshift basket in front of the handle bars. Some baskets were apple crates, some were homemade and my personal favorites were baskets obviously stolen from grocery stores. There were bikes that looked like 'Big Wheels' for adults, tandem bikes and bikes with chariots for children. In addition to bikes, the canals that run through the entire city make it accessable to boats of all kinds, my favorite being the houseboats that were all done up with decks, bbqs and such.

Oh, and also the waffles and pancakes. Never have I ever had either breakfast food taste better. Words cannot describe the deliciousness, so I won't even try. You just have to go and taste for yourself.

All in all, it was a wonderful city. I would go back but I have many other places to visit first. Next stop: Barcelona.

Nutrocker

2008-03-10T05:47:00.000-04:00

It was the damndest thing. There I was, just walking home from work on a rainy evening much like every other evening in Dublin, when my iPod made it snow. I was listening to Emerson, Lake & Palmer's 'Pictures At An Exhibition,' and following the last song was an encore of what sounded like something from Tchaikovsky's 'Nutcracker' ballet.

As soon as I recognized the tune, big, heavy flakes of snow began to pour from the sky. In Dublin, this happens maybe two or three times a year. I looked down to check the name of the track, appropriately named 'Nutrocker,' and smiled like an idiot until I reached my apartment door.

About five feet from my destination, the song ended along with the snow. There was no proof of the snow on the road, but plenty on my jacket. I told this story to a few of my friends, and now to whomever reads this blog, but I don't expect anyone to believe it's true. I'm not ruling out divine intervention here, and if so, God has one hell of a sense of humor to reveal himself through weather that most people find miserable and something to do with the word nutrocker. Or maybe my iPod controls the weather.

The Jesus and the Slave Trade

2008-03-05T21:21:00.000-05:00

It's very late on a Wednesday night, and I'm really supposed to be writing a paper right now. I really wanted to share a bit of research with my blog though, so here goes...

"John Hawkins made three trips to West Africa in the 1500s, and stole Africans whom he sold to the Spanish in America. On returning to England after the first trip, his profit was so handsome that Queen Elizabeth I became interested in directly participating in his next venture; and she provided for that purpose a ship named the 'Jesus.' Hawkins left with the Jesus to steal some more Africans, and he returned to England such dividends that Queen Elizabeth made him a knight. Hawkins chose as his coat of arms the representation of an African in chains."

It's from the book 'How Europe Underdevoloped Africa' by Walter Rodney. I'm really only reading it to get a quote, but it's been surprisingly entertaining with little historical nuggets such as the one mentioned above. I might just finish it for fun!

Third Time's a Charm

2008-02-25T09:11:00.000-05:00

Well, today was a good day for me, and it's only 14:00. Not only were my classes canceled this afternoon, but as I sat down to work I read that Ralph Nader has joined the 2008 presidential race!

I know everyone says it's his fault Gore lost in 2000, but that's not anyone's fault but Gore. The Democratic primaries have shown that America is ready for a change. Instead of changing by voting for a woman or African-American, let's change by putting aside bipartisanship and voting for the candidate who is best-suited for the job.

But if you're not going to vote for him, at least check out his Web site and support his request to debate.

http://www.votenader.org

Free Shit and Toilet Paper

2008-02-19T06:31:00.000-05:00

I'm new to city life, so I'm not sure if this is a city thing or an Ireland thing, but if you wake up early enough, you get free shit on your morning commute.

There seems to be a great number of people making a living out of giving away free samples to those walking before 09:00, first and foremost the two newspapers (comparable to the Pennysaver) the Metro and Herald AM. These papers aren't exactly top-of-the-line, but they're reasonably priced and make for great kindling or floor mats. They each have every section of the news, and most importantly, three different Sudokus - from easy to insanely difficult. So they've got that going for them. It would be appropriate to refer to these publications as 'Toilet Papers,' not only because they're excellent reading material for the bathroom, but can also, well, I don't need to go into detail.

One morning, I was treated to a free shot of yogurt, another morning a free half-litre of juice. Now, if you want more than one freebie, you just have to pocket one and walk fifty meters to the next give awayer and get another. I walked away with enough juice for the week that morning. Was the juice good? I'd say it was nothing to write home about, but it was definitely something I'll talk about until the day I die. While I'm not literally writing home about it, I have mentioned it to my parents on the phone and am currently discussing it on this blog, which I intend on people reading from my home, so...I guess you could call me a liar. It was something to write home about.

Since the half-litre juice day, only shots of this fruit/vegetable juice have been given out, but I know not to buy the stuff anymore. I'm pretty sure some girls from a cafe near my apartment give away free tea, but I always drink tea before leaving, and get free tea at work, so I have no need to find out what's inside those steaming styrophome cups.

There are always people offering coupons or advertisements for one cellphone company, O2, but I don't take those. On Valentine's Day, free candy hearts were given away. They were stale, but that's nothing out of the ordinary for candy hearts. I think the shelf-life for candy hearts is, well, I wouldn't be surprised if they were made in East Germany.

By far, my favorite aspect of the free shit on the streets of Dublin is the ridiculous outfits these people have to wear. Those offering the newspapers wear jackets and hats with the respective paper's logo on them, and stand right next to their 'compeditor,' as if there's much of a difference between the two. (I wouldn't be surprised if they were owned by the same company.) Those offering juice wear a bright orange jumpsuit, with the slogan 'Are you getting enough' embroidered on the back. On V-Day, the candy heart ladies all were dressed like cupid. Stupid, yes, but they make the 20-minute walk easier to deal with.

All this makes me feel a little better about the homeless, because they're always up at this time of day as well. It's nice to know they're getting some free papers, as all that free juice tends to loosen up the bowels.

Well, my time is up for today, as I've just been yelled at by some bitch. Apparently, even though there are plenty of computers in this 'psychology students only' lab, I have to leave immediately. Fucking bullshit. So much for proof-reading this one. I hope it makes sense!

Dublin 1

2008-02-12T08:32:00.000-05:00

When speaking of the dirty, expensive and crowded city of Dublin, one naturally speaks of beer first and foremost. I realize that Ireland (home of the Guinness Brewery and Jameson Distillery) is trying to distance itself from the negative stereotype of surly alcoholism, but the fact remains that beer and whisky are both a large part of Ireland's culture. Just think about your last St. Patrick's Day celebration. Were you remembering the holy trinity through a shamrock or getting shit-faced on green beer?

Apart from a few advertisements similar to the Truth campaign going on in America, not much is going on to deter people from drinking in excess. These ads feature the worst part of alcohol - not those who are enjoying a night out, but those notenjoying a night out at all. There's the nurse at a hospital dealing with a drunken college girl and her passed-out friend, a shop-keep cleaning vomit from the side of his store, and a man peering out his window to witness some punks walk over his car, to name a few. "I've had enough," all those indirectly affected Irish people say. It's a good idea for Ireland to remove their stereotype, but it doesn't seem to be working very well yet.

This is what that ad campaign is competing with:
Not only is beer about five times cheaper than orange juice, but the smallest size avaliable is a 500 mL pint. It is a bit pricy when bought from a pub(lic house), but they have these wonderful stores that I still don't understand called 'Off-Licenses.' Here, you purchase beer not in the traditional six-pack, but in the whatever-the-hell size pack you want. You want five Guinnesses and one Carlsberg? You got it. How about two Coronas, one Smithwick's (pronounced 'Smittix'), three Beck's' and a Budweiser? Sure. Oh, and you can get any liquor you want at these places too.

Aside from the Off-License stores, you can get beer, wine and hard liquor at supermarkets and the Spar (similar to a Fast-track). There's a bar in the movie theatre. I haven't been to one of those traditional Irish McDonald's yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if you could get a pint of McLager there as well.

The most popular size of liquor is the small kind that fits well in your pocket. There are empty beer cans everywhere. There is more vomit and piss on the streets than I would care to discuss. I'm not saying that this is true everywhere in Dublin, just the streets I use on a daily basis. But the vomit and piss I can live with. I'm already looking out for broken glass and dog crap at almost every step, so it's no big deal.

Through all these negatives, there are some beautiful parts of the city. For example, St. Stephen's Green was so awe-inspiring that after feeding the ducks and enjoying the scenery, I asked my girlfriend to marry me. And while I wouldn't swim in the Liffy river (that divides the city), I still enjoy the view every time I cross the bridge. Ironically, another beautiful view of the city is atop the Guinness Brewery, which is responsible for making a mess of the city about 10 floors below.

So, I'm not saying Dublin is filthy, I'm just trying to discuss its alcohol problem. It's probably not much of a problem though; it can stop whenever it wants.

2 minutes left...

2008-01-10T13:23:00.000-05:00

i am currently in rome, italy, and at an internet cafe. the keyboard is very different than what i am used to, so i have to do ridiculous things like avoid apostrophes. that is usually not a problem for a journalism major, but it does get in the way a bit when writing in first person.

anyway, i saw the colosseum today. i saw the pope yesterday. italy is fantastic and everyone should visit...and i am only on day 2! anyway, i have to go as i am very, very rushed and do not want to spend any more money. gotta go.

YEEEEEE HAAWWWW

2007-12-12T21:27:00.000-05:00

MY RADIOHEAD BOX SET OF 'IN RAINBOWS' ARRIVED! I'M SO EXCITED I CAN HARDLY WRITE A COHERENT THOUGHT. AND CAPS LOCK WILL BE DOWN FOR THE REMAINDER OF THE EVENING.

Ellen and Snoop - Together at Last

2007-12-06T19:23:00.000-05:00

So, I don't have TV, but oftentimes I do find myself watching it from time to time. I do go to other people's houses, you know. When I eat dinner with my parents, they like to watch the 'Ellen' show while they eat. Usually, this is no big deal. I just try to ignore it until the news comes on. But on Tuesday afternoon, something happened that I did not expect - Snoop Dogg performed.

On the 'Ellen' show.

And no, he wasn't covering a James Taylor tune; he was singing some new song of his to a group of middle-aged, cheezily-dancing women. At one point he asked, 'Where all the single ladies at?' I think the studio audience was expecting a free Wii or something, because some of them actually replied.

I can't believe how ridiculous TV has become, when people like my mom see Snoop and don't recoil in fear. Not only that, but they seemed to be enjoying themselves. Does this mean I don't like Snoop anymore? I mean, I kind of don't, but I can't forget 'Doggystyle' and the impact it had on my life. Did they?

I look forward to next week's show when Rage Against the Machine performs.

AND THEN WE'RE GONNA FIX HEALTHCARE....BYAH!!!

2007-12-05T18:57:00.000-05:00

I can't wait for Hillary to get excited about being the Democratic front-runner and give everyone a good old Howard Deanesque BYAAHH!! and lose popularity. Not that I have anything against her or necessarily want her to lose the nomination, but I would just like to see her get all pumped up about something. Really, she doesn't have to lose popularity. Just to see her even mockingly quote Mr. Dean would really be something to laugh about. Think about it.

Seven Up

2007-12-02T02:30:00.000-05:00

Wow. So this series 'Seven Up' is amazing. If you haven't heard of it, you're missing out. It's like a reality show mixed with a documentary mixed with a sociology class. I'm giving it the official 'Sample Blog Seal of Approval.' Sure, 710 minutes takes a while to watch, but MAN. Alright, that's it for this post. I have to go to sleep.

Writers' Strike Out

2007-11-30T10:37:00.000-05:00

It may not be a surprise to hear that I don't give a crap about the Hollywood writers' strike. They're already getting paid too much to create an enormous amount of crap and now they are paying homeless people to stand in the picket lines for them. If they're looking for my sympathy, they need to change their methods.

People are going to watch TV regardless of what's on. If writers strike, that just means more shitty reality shows to numb and dumb the masses will be created by producers who already save money by making the reality shows in the first place.

I understand that Hollywood producers get paid a lot of money, probably more than they deserve. But they're still going to get paid a ridiculous amount of money even after the strike. Shit, they're still getting paid a ridiculous amount of money during the strike!

Hollywood writers - your profession is shallow and pointless. You should be happy to receive pay at all. And I know, insurance is expensive on a Corvette, but we all have to make sacrifices.

It would be nice if the American public went on strike from TV, to show the writers and executives where the real power lies. Everyone is forgetting that the consumer is the most important aspect of the entertainment world. Unfortunately, TV is just entertaining enough to prevent everyone from turning their sets off.

If you have cable, I urge you to not pay your bill any longer. You don't need TV; TV needs you. I've been boob-tube free for about seven years, and it's one of the best things I've ever done for my life. I guarantee that after a year or so you won't need to know - and more importantly you won't care - what happens on Days of Our Lives. You can live the days of your own life instead.

College Is All Business

2007-11-27T11:02:00.000-05:00

I have quite effectively lost all faith in the college system. It has become yet another capitalistic enterprise, putting more emphasis on business affairs than education. Aside from the price of tuition, which escalates every year no matter how many more students attend than the previous year, the book store, the coffee shop and the cafeteria at Utica College have all gone to the highest bidder - big corporations.

Personally, the interest of this college in turning profits has caused me much grief. What I am about to say is just about the dumbest thing I've ever had to go through. I have to re-take classes I took at MVCC because I did not obtain an Associates Degree from there. Although I got an A in English 102 at MV, the fact that I didn't get a degree there means I have to take it again here. Why? Because it costs money to take a class, and this is some retarded loophole that was created in order to squeeze another semester's worth of tuition out of transfer students. Now they're telling me that I have to take another math course, because the one I took at MV (pre-calculus) transfers over as an elective. Again, if I had an Associates from MV, this would not be a problem. I only transferred to UC because they told me these credits would all be transferred. I don't think I'm alone on this issue.

Adjunct professors make up about half of the professors at UC. Hiring two part-time employees instead of one full-time employee saves money by paying two people less money than one, and not having to offer benefits. But where does all that saved money go? I thought that Romano Hall was paid for by a donation from Mr. Romano. How about hiring an adjunct president? Surely that would save a bundle. Maybe paying the president and administration less would be a good start to saving even more!

At this point, the only thing keeping me at UC is a relatively cheap trip to Ireland. So what do I have to look forward to when I return? Obtaining a degree seems to me more trouble than it's worth. I feel I've learned what I need, and would rather spend my time reading and learning what I want, not going through English 102 again.

Handing in my application to this decrepit institute is now my biggest regret. Utica National Insurance even looks better than this dump, and that place is the reason why I went back to college. At least insurance companies are transparent about why they exist - for profit. Hiding behind the illusion of education to turn bigger and bigger profits anually is dishonest and disgusting. I've learned more from books - free books, not Barnes & Noble textbooks - than in a year and a half at UC.

It will be interesting to see what happens upon my return from Ireland. Will I quit? Maybe. I think the administration would be pleased with that, so I might stay out of spite. Then again, not paying them tuition would make me feel better. Stay tuned for what happens next, as I'm sure I'll be pissed off - and that always makes my blogs more interesting.

THE AIR CAR!!!

2007-11-19T13:08:00.000-05:00

http://www.theaircar.com/
Something about a car running on air...why didn't they think of that sooner? I have a feeling that the assholes in charge will try to squash this, you know, doing what they usually do - making unnecessary laws so oil companies can continue to turn record profits because they pay for campaigns...
But man. Buy an air-powered car for god's sake. Gas is ridiculous, and will only get worse. We have the technology, let's do something good and trade in all our SUVs for these light, fuel-efficient, clean cars. What do you say?

I like my major!

2007-11-02T09:56:00.000-04:00

After my sixth try, I think I finally found a major I can stick with. Maybe it was that after a year and a half, there was finally an article worth writing on this campus. I had a busy week, but it was worth it. I was lied to as a journalist, and it felt great! I exposed some minor corruption on campus. It may have put my moneys in jeopardy for my trip to Ireland, but I really don't give a fuck. If I can't get money through the Office of Student Financial Services, I'll just get it somewhere else.

So about this major, it got me all worked up. I was running all around, interviewing the head of every department and important faculty member here. My favorite part of the day was when I went into Barry White's (not the singer) office (he's actually white, and pretty lame) and tried to make an interview with him. He's like the UC accountant or some bullshit like that. His secretary told me he was busy all day and probably wouldn't be in the office. As I turned to leave, he walked in the door. I asked if I could have a minute with him, very briefly, so he could answer some of my questions.

"I would prefer not to comment," White said. "We haven't been pleased with the coverage at the Tangerine." Fair enough, but I think he was already warned about the article I was trying to write.

Some thought I went too far with the article while others thought I didn't go far enough to expose the executive director of student financial services. BUT SHE TOOK OUR PAPERS. And that's personal. To read the article I'm referring to, go to www.uctangerine.com and read 'Dude, Where's My Tangerine?' Also, read the one from the previous issue (lead story) and Keith Henry's response, called 'Tangerine Drops Ball On Story.'

The Tangerine had more hits for Oct. 31 and Nov. 1 than any other days this semester, and I have a feeling the paper is going to get better every week.

The Land of Ire

2007-10-25T19:48:00.000-04:00

There's not much time left.
Only about five minutes.
After that, all the computers switch from 'available' to 'closed.'
And then I have to lock the doors.
Just a quick update - next semester, Marissa and I are going to Ireland. We already have our tickets, and leave Jan. 4. If you would like to send me a donation, I'm poor, and travel will have to be minimal. It's unfortunate, but at least we get to hang out in Ireland for a few months, at least. Oh, and the first week or so is a free trip to Italy, where I get three credit hours. I'm busting.

One thing that's kind of off the topic here, Premier Bush is saying shit about Cuba. I just read on my Communist propaganda blog (I'll hook you up with a link if you want) this very amusing response. Everything Bush says about the Castro regime can be said about himself. He says how the country would be better off without that oppressive government...

You know, Cuba would be a better place if we traded with them instead of tried to implement our capitalist system on them. They're too proud a people to change their ways. They lived without us for the past 30 years and will continue to do so until the US changes its mind.

I don't like the idea of Raul in power any more than the next guy, but I don't like the idea of Bush in power too.

DJ Tanner switch.

2007-09-28T13:43:00.000-04:00

Just a note - DJ Tanner will NOT be on the airwaves Sunday night this week. The show will be on MONDAY FROM 6 - 9 P.M. THIS WEEK ONLY. Sorry for shouting, but I just wanted to get the word out. After this week, I'll go back to Sunday. You see, I'm visiting my sister and seeing her show on Sunday, so I won't be able to make it in. That's enough. I have to get to class.

Sample Blog Title:

2007-09-19T21:56:00.000-04:00

So here's the sample blog - about to be at it's finest, I'm sure. Long story short, Torte (new cat) had to go back to the Humane Society. We think there's something wrong with the house. She starting showing the same symptoms as Gato towards the end, and every time we took her out of the house, her condition improved. Last I knew, she was doing well. I'll put up pictures of the little lady later, on the bottom of this or on my Facebook page.

I don't like Facebook much, but it seems to get more hits. I'm friends with like, six people now, and I haven't even tried. I only started the damn site so I could get info. on people for my reporting class. It's not going incredible well, though. I don't think people want to answer questions about the story I'm working on because no one likes getting flipped off. Look me up if you want - I'm 'Travis Olivera' on facebook.com.

Anyway, Utica College sucks. Want proof? You can't spell 'sucks' without UC.

Hate on them all I want, they're still going to help foot the bill for my trip to Ireland for four months.

I'm going back to watching South Park. I just broke a glass - one of six that my sister gave me as a present. Tracy, if you're reading this, I'm sorry, but I was drunk. I still am now, and maybe updating my blog is a little counter-productive. I could be studying right now. (Jay slash kay. I'm just going to go back to South Park.)

And what's the deal with Frisky Dingo? Was there like, a new season I never heard of? I don't understand.

I guess what's going on is, I would like to know if anyone reads this and would like to comment. I leave it to you, fair reader...
~Travis.

DJ Tanner is back.

2007-08-30T18:34:00.000-04:00

To those living in the Utica area, DJ Tanner (this guy) will be back on the airwaves every Sunday night from 6-9 on WPNR 90.7 FM. I'm calling the show 'DJ Tanner's Box Social,' and I plan on playing the best music on the radio, at least during that 3-hour block. Don't miss it if you know what's good for you. Oh yeah, I'm supposed to say 'The POWER of central New York' after the radio station ID. Whatever.

And also school started this week, so postings may be few and far between for a while. I hate school...on day 3.

Lastly, Marissa and I got another cat. It's Gato's sister, and I think we're going to name her Tort (spelling subject to change, of course). I don't mean sister, like how black people talk, but in the actual family relation way. Not that there's anything wrong with two black women referring to each other as 'sisters,' I'm just clarifying.

Representative Arcuri responded!

2007-08-28T19:19:00.000-04:00

Below are the contents of an e-mail I received from Rep. Arcuri that prove the system works! Kind of. I'd tell you what I wrote to get him to respond, but I forgot. You can probably figure it out by context clues.

August 27, 2007
Dear Mr. Olivera,

Thank you for contacting me to express your support for the impeachment of Administration officials. I appreciate that you took the time to share your thoughts with me.

There are many areas where the Administration and I disagree, and I have been outraged by the secrecy and partisanship they have employed in pursuit of their objectives. As a former District Attorney, I am deeply troubled by questions regarding the legality of the NSA warrantless surveillance program, as well as open-ended detention of enemy combatants without access to due process.

The newly-elected Congress has a critical role to play in getting to the bottom of these secret initiatives, and I am confident that the full facts of these issues will be presented and debated in a public forum. Over 100 hearings on mismanagement of the Iraq War alone have been held since the new Congress began in January. You may also be pleased to learn that I recently voted in favor of Congressman McGovern's Iraq redeployment bill, which would have begun a responsible redeployment of our troops beginning 90 days after passage. Additionally, the House and Senate Judiciary Committees and the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee have been working to shed light on dozens of other questionable Administration policies.

I assure you, I am in favor of vigorous and extensive investigations into the intelligence behind the Iraq conflict, the Administration's energy policy, domestic surveillance, and other critical issues. However, the new Congress was elected to chart a new direction for America, and I strongly believe that the lengthy, costly impeachment process would not only further divide our country, but would distract us from the goals of true reform and progress. We now have the opportunity to reverse many of the disastrous policies implemented over the past six years, and I am focused on working with my colleagues on both sides of the aisle to legislate positive change.

Thank you again for sharing your thoughts with me. To receive updates on my work in New York and Washington, visit my website at arcuri.house.gov to sign up for my regular e-newsletter. Please don't hesitate to contact me again if I can be of help on this or any other matter.

Sincerely,
Michael A. Arcuri
Member of Congress

He makes a good point, but it's confusing that he thinks an impeachment will further divide this country. It seems the majority of people are in favor of a 'lengthy, costly impeachment process,' but every congressman is entitled to his/her own opinion, I guess.

April 12 - August 23, 2007

2007-08-23T19:04:00.000-04:00

Gato may not have had a long stay on this earth, but his spirit will live on in the hearts of those he touched. I miss him terribly, and it's only been a few hours. We don't know for sure what happened, only that he is no longer with us. He has made this summer the best of my life, and I won't forget him. I love you, Gato. Rest in peace.

For those of you who didn't get a chance to meet the finest feline around, I'm including all the pictures I managed to take of him from my phone. The pictures are under these posts. I hope more follow, as I have a few friends with digital cameras. Well, just one friend with a digital camera, but Marissa has a phone, too. *tear.

IMPEACH BUSH AND CHENEY

2007-08-14T17:44:00.000-04:00

Bush has been abusing power since. . . well, I'm not sure when exactly it happened, but I'm banking on sometime in the '60s. Anyway, if you think the current administration has been pissing on the Constitution, write to your congressperson and tell him/her what you think. There is a movement to impeach Bush and/or Cheney - not a large one, but it has potential. Do the right thing and help kick these assholes out of office. Wiretapping, ignoring habeas corpus, perjury...the list of violations is only growing with time. THEY STILL HAVE A YEAR LEFT IN OFFICE IF WE DON'T ACT NOW.

Veto #3 on the way?

2007-08-03T11:46:00.000-04:00

President Bush has been stingy with his vetoes, only using two thus far; the first against stem-cell research, and the second against bringing troops home from Iraq. Rumors are circulating that if a bill passes (the vote is this week) to give American children free health care, Bush will veto that as well.

Can someone please explain to me the reason for debate on this matter? I'm confused and horrified.

The Learnding Channel

2007-07-31T18:47:00.000-04:00

I don't have cable. I occasionaly house-sit, which provides me an opportunity to stare at the idiot box for a few fleeting moments to accomplish nothing more than wasting time. Perhaps it was the rise in 'reality' television programming that turned me away, or that cable has become a haven for c-list celebrities to crawl out from the rocks under which they belong. I hate TV. I urge you to stop paying your cable bill and let Time Warner (or whoever) shut off the shit. I've been free from the boob-tube for a few years now, and I feel great.

As it's been a few years, you're probably wondering what prompted me to mention it in my blog today. Three words: The Learning Channel. I don't remember when exactly this channel came into existence, but of the few times I actually saw its format, I learned nothing. There was this one show, I forget the name, that basically exploits the extremely obsese. That's it, as far as I can tell. That's the whole show. After that, there was yet another show about fixing up an old house. What an original concept, TLC. Did the network turn down brilliant new idea for a national talent search?

Usually, it's hard for me to find irony in things, but the fact that I learned nothing from The Learning Channel...that's not as ironic as it is false advertising.

The War of Terror

2007-07-31T18:32:00.000-04:00

http://www.politicalaffairs.net
/article/articleview/5642/1/275/

I haven't figured out how to make a link in the blog yet, but if you know how to copy and paste, you'll be fine. Just read the article and let me know if you think the 'war on terror' is justified. That's why we're there, isn't it?

You might be a red if...

2007-07-17T18:06:00.000-04:00

This whole thing started when I was (finally) filling out my voter registration form. There's a little box that asks you which political party you would like to be affiliated with, and after careful consideration I marked 'other.' On the line adjacent to 'other,' I wrote COMMUNIST. The way I figured it at the time, it could be a good excuse to get out of jury duty someday. But not likely.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that there's a good chance I'm a commie. I've read Marx and Engels; I'm a big fan of Cuba, Castro, and Che; Trotsky and Lenin seem like pretty good dudes, so I might just be red. I mean, I'm certainly not a capitalist, and have grown to hate money, property, religion, and pride...

To try and coerce me back to democracy, you could bring up a few names...Stalin, Mao, and Kim Jong Il, but keep in mind that the leader of the 'free' world is George W. Bush, whose atrocities and basic human rights violations are too numerous and well-known to include in this blog.

Well, after I sent in my voter registration, I did a little online research and ended up officially joining the Communist Party of America. What happens next, I don't know, but I'm off to finish Leon Trotsky's biography. I hope I hear from my local party member soon. Let me know what you think - if you like communism or are stuck in the red scare. Maybe I'm just being naive, but I don't see what all the fuss is about.

Oh, and in honor of my new-found political affiliation, I'm changing the color of the text in Sample Blog. I hope you enjoy it.

Birthday Boi

2007-07-10T19:10:00.000-04:00

July 12 is my Birthday. Hooray. I'm going to be 25 years old. I'm still getting ID'd when I try to buy a drink, so being an adult is looking good so far. It just dawned on me that I didn't talk about June 2007 in this blog.
Here's a recap:
Marissa and I set off on a road-trip in the North East United States in early June, and things got off to a rocky start. Due to an illness we had to return home after only two or three days camping in Vermont. The spot we found next to Kill River was beautiful and free, so that's a plus.
After Marissa felt better, we drove to Virginia Beach, Busch Gardens (VA), and Washington DC to visit my sister, Tracy. After that, we took a lovely trip up the Susquehanna river to get home, re-pack and plan the next (last) leg of our trip.
The third and final leg began heading east on Route 20 all the way to Boston where we met up with my old friend Rachel Luck who took us to a great Thai restaurant. Boston was nice, but the 'thrift' stores we found weren't exactly for the thrifty. It worries me to think that people actually spend $50 on a t-shirt. Following Boston was my personal favorite part of the trip - MAINE!
If you ever get the chance to go to Maine, do so. I want to live there. We found a great Bed & Breakfast called the Bluff Inn next to the ocean opposite Bar Harbor. They serve great breakfasts and the view is great! Check them out on the web at www.bluffinn.com.
Sure, there were a lot of bugs, but the scenery was worth the bites. Acadia National Park is all it's cracked up to be.
After staying in Maine for three days, trying lobster and counting 'cappys' along the highway, we decided to head back by way of Vermont, to stay at our old campsite again.
When we got back from our trip, we unpacked and picked up our kitten, whose name had been difficult to agree upon until we stumbled upon 'Gato.' If I ever figure out how to put a picture up, I'll definitely put one up of that little turd.
June was fantastic. Whoever doesn't like June is a sucker. And Maine, too.
Happy Birthday to me.

Some animals are more equal than others.

2007-07-03T17:10:00.000-04:00

This is the first letter I've written to a Congressperson, and I feel strongly enough about this issue to include it in my blog that nobody reads.

Representative Arcuri,
I am a journalism student at Utica College and currently an unregistered voter. At this point in time, I see little reason to register to vote as my faith in the democratic process dwindles every time I open a newspaper. To say that I am upset at the lack of justice served to "Scooter" Libby is a bit of an understatement. Can you refresh my memory as to why we allow presidential pardons? I fail to see the positive aspect of that particular act. It's not enough that Bush has ignored the writ of Habeus Corpus, now he's allowing a guilty man freedom. Where is justice?
I am not writing because I expect any type of change in the near future, I just want a favor - the next time you see Mr. Bush or any of the White House staff, please let them know how little I respect them.
Thank you for your time,
Travis L. Olivera

If I get a response, I'll put it up here too.

I do book reviews too.

2007-05-18T17:17:00.000-04:00

Below is a link to another blog that I contribute book reviews to, like, every month or so. I've only done two so far, but if you really, really like me, you might want to read those too. The other link is the band I'm in. You can probably figure out which one I am if you don't know me already. After I write this, I'll also make a link to my significant other's blog. She's got a lot of stuff to get off her chest, and I love the way she writes. That's it for now. I'm supposed to be working.
~Travis

Having doubts

2007-05-04T16:51:00.000-04:00

Well, the Spring '07 semester has drawn to a close, and all I have to show for it is a bigger debt. I actually gained knowledge from two of my classes, two were a complete waste of time, and one I have to re-take in the fall. This 'core requirement' bullshit is nothing more than an excuse for the college to make more money. From my perspective, the core classes are just things that you took in high school (or middle school), and have to take them again because the college doesn't allow transfer credits from Waterville Public.

I could talk about the negative aspects of this semester, and the college in general, all day, so I'll just move on to the positives -

1. The school radio station offers plenty of DJ spots on 90.7 FM. I took advantage of this opportunity and ended up spending more time coming up with playlists for two shows a week than I did on homework for my five classes combined. Too bad I didn't get paid for that.

2. There really aren't any other redeeming qualities about Utica College. If you're thinking about going there, work at Nice 'n' Easy instead.

Sidenote: If you're interested in listening to my show on the radio, it's 90.7 FM in the Utica/Rome area. I'm on every Tuesday* and Thursday* from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m.

Why is it that all I really want to do in life is put away books and have time to read in the library? If the only reason I'm going to college is to get a rewarding job, why am I so content with my barely-above minimum-wage gig working for the man? In my Junior year, I find it more and more difficult to find reasons to fill out my FAFSA form.

Maybe it's because this is my sixth college and fourth major in seven years, but I'm sick of it.

*all radio shows and times subject to change in the future. I'll update with any changes that may occur in the future.

Spitefully yours,
Travis

Bookstore Mayhem

2007-01-23T11:20:00.000-05:00

Everyone complains about the price of college textbooks, yet no one does anything about it. At the most, a person can choose not to purchase the book from this outlet, and is usually penalized in some way for doing so. If, for example, you buy books online, a waiting period is in order; either waiting for the auction of the book to end or for delivery services, causing you to miss early assignments. Some students, like myself, oftentimes do not purchase expensive texts at all, which in turn hurts their GPA in the long run.

Before I get to that, I need to share a story. At the close of every semester, the college bookstore offers a 'buyback' opportunity on select texts, where they pay you half what was charged at the start of the semester, then sell it back to the college community for the 'used' retail price. This is much higher than what they pay for it to get it in stock from the college students. If you miss the 'buyback' period, they pay you even less for a book, about half of what you would have received if you waited in line at the close of the semester.

I misplaced a text for one of my courses about half-way through the semester, only to find the book over winter break. I missed the buyback period, and was only given $17 for the book, which, as a poor college student, isn't too bad. When classes began two days later, I found out I needed the book for another class. I immediately went to the bookstore and explained my situation, offering to pay them the $17 in return for my book, which I sold to them two days earlier. Apparently, this was not an option. My book, I was told, was sent off THE SAME DAY to a processing center, and there was no way they could locate it. In order for me to have an exchange, I would need the exact same book. I then asked if I could possibly have $17 off another used book, and that too, was out of the question. Luckily, one of my professors was nice enough to put the book on hold in the library after I explained my conundrum to her.

At this point, a week into the semester, I have only purchased two books. I am supposed to have five. I cannot afford to spend any more money. Because of bad credit, I can't get a credit card with which to purchase books online, and am forced to use the bookstore for all my texts.

In closing, I would just like to say 'fuck you,' to the barnes & noble booksellers at Utica College, and will forever refuse to capitalize the name of their bogus corporation.

I hate to bitch so much on my first official posting, but whatever. When will people realize that college textbook publishers are a monopoly, preying on poor college students who 'need' their books to get high GPAs. Not every college student has a book voucher, you know.

try this on for sighs.

2007-01-11T20:27:00.000-05:00

Dear Diary,
I'm Travis. I have much to tell...later.
Sincerely,
Travis.